It's Alive?

Boy, it sure is a good thing there aren't any bullshit issues for Republicans to harp on, ignoring things like genocide in Darfur, deaths in Iraq and the potential invasion of Iran.

But hark; what's that I hear on the wind? Could it be the sound of the Religious Right sharpening their spears?

You see, some funky scientists in San Diego claim to have well, created 'life'.

I HAVE CREATED LIFE, DECLARES US GENE PIONEER - The Guardian

Craig Venter, the controversial DNA researcher involved in the race to decipher the human genetic code, has built a synthetic chromosome out of laboratory chemicals and is poised to announce the creation of the first new artificial life form on Earth.

Mr Venter told the Guardian he thought this landmark would be "a very important philosophical step in the history of our species. We are going from reading our genetic code to the ability to write it. That gives us the hypothetical ability to do things never contemplated before".

Great. Just great. So now our genes are RW? I can only imagine how the body-modification crowd will treat this news. Actually, that's cynical. I mean, the potential is enormous. But then, so is the potential for stem cells. And Christopher Reeve's dead, baby. Superman's dead. Unless Oprah can somehow benefit from artificial genes, we're gonna need us a new hero. But wait; things get much, much creepier.

[The gene] is then transplanted into a living bacterial cell and in the final stage of the process it is expected to take control of the cell and in effect become a new life form. The team of scientists has already successfully transplanted the genome of one type of bacterium into the cell of another, effectively changing the cell's species. Mr Venter said he was "100% confident" the same technique would work for the artificially created chromosome.

So it's less of a brand-new life form - and more of a soul-stealing parasite! I mean, it sounds pretty similar to the manner in which a virus behaves. Great, at least the science will appeal to gamers. I mean, if anything could turn human beings into bloodthirsy infectious zombies, it'd be a particularly virulent and rapidly-replicating artificial genome, able to infest organisms and eventually dominate their host's genetic code. Permission to shiver granted.

Pat Mooney, director of a Canadian bioethics organisation, ETC group, said Mr Venter was creating a "chassis on which you could build almost anything. It could be a contribution to humanity such as new drugs or a huge threat to humanity such as bio-weapons".

Bio-weapons... or zombies. Resident Evil fans, keep your eyes peeled for potential Umbrella Corporations, aim for the head and for the love of mercy, conserve your ammo. Still, there are potential goods that could derive from artificial organisms specifically designed for utilitarian purposes. Many hands make light work, after all.

Bacteria could be created, [Venter] speculates, that could help mop up excessive carbon dioxide, thus contributing to the solution to global warming, or produce fuels such as butane or propane made entirely from sugar.

Great, I'll just start putting sugar in my gas tank now, shall I? Hah - joke's on you. I have no gas tank. But seriously, folks - imagine it: huge floating trays of agar, covering oceans, soaking up chemicals from the atmosphere, digesting toxins and purifying the air. Or imagine synthetic bacteria digesting sand and producing soil, converting deserts into farmland? Imagine bacteria sucking the toxins out of soil, purifying land and groundwater? I love being a crazy idealist with an imagination. If you think these plans are elaborate, you should hear some of my fantasies.

One of those fantasies is that this science will be hailed as revolutionary and not assailed as mad evil scientists playing god. I mean, people protest modified fruit for pity's sake. They're not going to like modified genes at all. But Venter knows this.

"We are not afraid to take on things that are important just because they stimulate thinking," he said. "We are dealing in big ideas. We are trying to create a new value system for life. When dealing at this scale, you can't expect everybody to be happy."

And not everybody will be. But I am. Bring on chicks with fur and cat eyes!