Sweetest Taboo, You Are In Rare Form

So I'm studying the law. You know. Intentional torts. Assault and battery. The kissing battery.

Imagine learning that you can be held liable for an unwanted kiss or even minor physical contact? I shake girls' hands now. Firmly, but not too.

When I talk to girls. Which isn't often. I'm too busy reading about them being assaulted in parking structures or murdered by crazed ex-boyfriends due to the landlord's negligence.

Negligence per se. Statutory negligence. Was the harm the type the statute was meant to prevent? Was the plaintiff in the class of individuals the statute was designed to protect?

See? I know shit.

I also know that defense of self can waive liability for battery, provided the force used is reasonable and .. um .. force is reasonable and neither retaliatory nor preventative. Let's watch this little video while I check my notes and see how close I was.

He didn't even need to wait for the punch, it turns out; consent is also a defense against battery. In fact, Tom's the one with the valid battery claim, although A Pimp Named Slickback could always counterclaim that the punch was in the scope of his consultancy and thus implicitly consented to by Tom through Tom's payment for A Pimp Named Slickback's services. Tom might counterclaim that he never in fact paid A Pimp Named Slickback, that the Freemans used his credit card unbeknownst to him (trespass to chattels), but I fear this argument would be defeated by the mutual performance of the contract. Tom traveled with A Pimp Named Slickback to aforementioned pimp's mansion; Tom availed himself of the advice of said pimp; Tom even goes so far as to demand A Pimp Named Slickback's company when he eventually confronts his wife and Usher. That's when his consent to ... the pimp's consultancy goes from implied to express (as in, he expressed his intent through some kind of manifestation, in this case a verbalization.

Phew. Maybe having a keyboard in front of me isn't the best idea for the exam. My hand might cramp, but there's no danger of losing a good grades amidst the whitewater of a patented Alex B-Z stream of consciousness. But anyway - we were talking about self-defense, no?

According to the notes I pretty much nailed self-defense as a defense against a battery claim, except I neglected to mention that the defendant must reasonably believe that force is necessary for protection from an immediate harm.

If a biological female identifies as a man, and someone calls her a bitch ... is that a hate crime?