Coastal Commission Preparation

Yes, I know, this is a mass-mailed letter containing none of my trademark ascerbic wit or pitiless self-critical analysis. But I'm busy and this is important.

Attend the Sierra Club & Surfrider Foundation Coastal Commission Toll Road Briefing in San Clemente. Learn how you can keep a toll road out of one of our state parks! Join us Monday October 1st at 7 pm at the San Clemente Community Center at 100 North Calle Seville, San Clemente to prepare for our best opportunity to stop the Foothill-South Toll Road.

Hi Alex,

I have been working to protect California's coastline for over

Mark Massara, Director, Sierra Club Coastal Programs

20 years and I have never, in my entire career, seen a proposal as devastating to a coastal state park as the plan to extend the Foothill-South Toll Road through San Onofre State Beach. It is just inconceivable to me that a park, set aside by President Nixon and Governor Reagan, would be in the crosshairs of a transportation boondoggle like this ill-conceived and financially risky toll road.

The most important hurdle before the TCA is the powerful, non-partisan Coastal Commission who will be meeting to decide whether to approve construction of the toll road in the coastal zone. So please mark your calendars and plan to take a personal day off from work or school on October 11th and tell the Coastal Commission "No Toll Roads through our State Parks!"

I am coming to San Clemente on October 1st to brief Sierra Club & Surfrider Foundation members and the public about the role the Coastal Commission will play in the fight to protect our beach, park, clean waves and clean water.

Join me at 7:00 p.m. at the San Clemente Community Center and find out about simple, effective things you can do to make a difference. Be sure to tell all your friends and neighbors. This is one vote we cannot afford to lose.

Mark Massara

Director, Sierra Club Coastal Program

For more information contact Robin Everett at robin.everett@sierraclub.org or 949-361-7534

P.S. As a life long surfer I've spent a lot of time at Trestles and have experienced first hand the great waves and clean water of this unique surf spot. Join me at the Sierra Club/Surfrider Community Briefing on October 1st and learn how the Coastal Commission is our best opportunity to defeat the Foothill South Toll Road and how you can help.

Where's The Damn Citation?

I'm pleased as spiked punch with the Coastal Commission Staff Report condemning the 241 (Foothill-South) toll road. It's the shiz-nizzle hiz-izzle. For rizzle.

But would it have killed them to cite one of my articles?

Most of the report isn't exactly news. It was news at one point in the time, back in the day, when I raked muck for OC Weekly, cheerfully slaving away under Will Swaim and R. Scott Moxley for an absolute pittance that was worth every penny (all three of them, in other words). So here's a little self-gratification to cheer me up and make me forget the amount of studying I have to do for my sixth week of law school.

What follows are the juicy excerpts from the report, as mentioned in a previous post, with links to the relevant Toll Road Rage stories published last year in the OC Weekly.

“…it would be difficult to imagine a more environmentally damaging alternative location for the proposed toll road and one which would be more clearly inconsistent with the environmentally sensitive habitat resource protection requirements contained within Coastal Act Section 30240.” (pg. 3

This one was great - DOCUMENTED INCOMPETENCE. It discusses how the online Environmental Impact Report's Table of Contents was garbage, omitting a section with a comically evil name ( Irreversible and Irretrievable Commitment of Resources) that discusses, among other things, "environmental conditions degraded or destroyed by the project." Sounds like the kind of section people might not mind having omitted from the T.O.C., if you K.W.I.M.

“When the value of these resources is taken into account, the project is the most environmentally damaging rather than the least environmentally damaging feasible alternative…Moreover, the toll road’s impacts would be permanent, irreversible, and, for the most part, unmitigable.” (pg. 5)

Another beauty - KEN RYAN AND FRIENDS. Ryan, a former Mayor of Yorba Linda and a brunette, calls himself an environmental planner, not an urban planner. But his only plans involved destroying San Onofre under cover of a "green" banner. The TCA called it the least environmentally damaging alternative, but they considered damage to the URBAN environment. Language is a tricky thing.

“…it is more likely that the proposed toll road would encourage continued growth, low density housing and inefficient transit patterns, and that the traffic system within the region would be equally or more congested than it is currently. Thus the toll road’s impact on emissions is likely to add to, rather than reduce, vehicle emissions on I-5.” (pg. 8)

Aha! Traffic. Here's the skinny: TOLL ROADS MAKE TRAFFIC WORSE. They are what's called traffic inducers or traffic incentives or, in layman's terms, utter clusterfucks. NOT SO FAST used the expert opinion of UCI's Dr. Michael McNally to explain just how building a road could possibly generate more traffic. I've got two words for you. "Off-ramp." Okay, maybe that's one word; i don't know about the hyphen. Point is, interchanges jack up land value due to increased accessibility, enticing large commercial zones, office towers, and low-occupancy housing tracts. I believe 14,000 new McMansions are slotted to go up, not counting an unseemly amount of imaging centers, skin care centers, plastic surgeons, marketing companies, restaurants and shopping centers. I could go on but I feel sick.

“The project would result in significant adverse effects on public access and recreation, particularly at the campground and related recreational resources in San Onofre State Beach (SOSB). Significant adverse effects would occur both during construction and after completion. Such effects may include the de-facto closure of the coastal access Panhe Trail, the abandonment or severely limited use of the San Mateo Campground, the temporary occupation and permanent alteration of the California Coastal Trail, and the overall interference and degradation of the recreational use of SOSB.” (pg. 6)

I used WHAT YOUR MIMI DOESN'T KNOW to piss on a politician from a great height, or at least a safe distance, and boy was it fun. Assemblywoman Mimi Walters (R-73) had no idea what she was talking about, which was dangerous as the State Parks Commissioners she addressed had been told in no uncertain terms by park staff that very morning that the Foothill-South toll road extension would force the closure of the San Mateo Campground. I'm not calling Mimi an ignorant cheerleader for the Orange County Republican politburo. I'm really not. I don't know if she was ever really a cheerleader anyway.

“The Commission could not more strongly disagree with TCA’s arguments that on balance it is most protective of significant coastal resources to authorize the project.” (pg. 230)

Just wanted to emphasize that one last time. Theoretically, if you flip things around and make all sorts of logical substitutions, those dudes are basically saying, "We could not more strongly agree with Alex Brant-Zawadzki," which is like a big old stamp of approval on my work. It's a bit twisted how I derive much of my self-worth from occasional massive injections of outside approval, but it's something to build on. And when this road goes down, well hell, I'll be the happiest man in San Francisco. One less thing to worry about besides law school.

Got 99 problems; bein' wrong ain't one.

Coastal Commission Staff Kick Ass

This needs no introduction. Hate to say I told you so, but I...

Contact: Matt Klink (310) 283-6267 (cell)
Liz Saldivar (323) 633-1519

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
September 28, 2007

COASTAL COMMISSION STAFF REPORT DEALS SEVERE BLOW TO PROPOSED ORANGE COUNTY TOLL ROAD

***

Proposed Six-Lane “Super Highway” through San Onofre State Beach called “Most Environmentally Damaging” Alternative

Elizabeth Goldstein, president of the California State Parks foundation, released the following statement in response to the California Coastal Commission staff’s report on construction of a 16-mile long toll road slicing through San Onofre State Beach.

“The Coastal Commission staff report is welcome news to every Californian who is concerned about protecting our state parks and beaches. Based on a comprehensive analysis, California Coastal Commission staff issued a 236-page indictment of a proposal to build a toll road through the state park at San Onofre State Beach. The report establishes that this project will not only destroy one of our most important coastal park lands but it will also threaten the integrity of the Coastal Act itself. If approved, the toll road would eliminate irreplaceable recreation areas, reduce coastal access, fill wetlands and destroy sensitive habitat areas.

“The report's recommendation of disapproval is a critical step toward the demise of a uniquely destructive project that, more than any other in recent memory, threatens the environmental, recreational, and economic resources that belong to all Californians.

“The staff report is among the strongest I have ever seen in many years of working on state resources issues. It is balanced, objective and comprehensive. We’re hopeful that the Coastal Commissioners, who are the ultimate decision makers on this issue, will concur with their staff’s recommendation at their October 11, 2007 meeting.

“Specifically, this report concludes that the Transportation Corridor Agencies of Orange County (TCA) proposed a toll road that goes through the wrong place, is based on wrong thinking, and ultimately, is wrong for California.

The staff report states this proposed route for the toll road would:

* Fragment and transform one of the last remaining intact watersheds and coastal canyon ecosystems in all of southern California

* Have impacts that would be ‘permanent, irreversible and for the most part, unmitigatable.’

“Equally important, and in recognition of what the California Department of Parks and Recreation stated years earlier, the Coastal Commission staff report clearly states that this toll road, contrary to assertions from its sponsors (the TCA), would result in the de-facto closure of a trail to the coast and the ‘abandonment or severely limited use of the park’s most popular campground.’

“This objective review by Coastal Commission staff should provide ample evidence that San Onofre State Beach should be saved and other toll roads or other routes explored in more detail.

“The Coastal Commission staff report specifically finds that this route was not the least environmentally damaging alternative. In fact, the staff report says that when all impacts are taken into account, putting the toll road through this state park ‘is the most environmentally damaging rather than the least environmentally damaging feasible alternative…’”

Excerpts from the California Coastal Commission Staff Report and Recommendation on Consistency Certification for the Foothill Transportation South (FTC-S) toll road:

“In addition to the disturbance and destruction of untold numbers of these six species and potentially irreparable harm to their local, regional and global populations, populations which have been consistently recognized as both vitally important and gravely threatened, the project would fragment and transform one of the last remaining intact watersheds and coastal canyon ecosystems in all of southern California.” (pg. 3)

“…it would be difficult to imagine a more environmentally damaging alternative location for the proposed toll road and one which would be more clearly inconsistent with the environmentally sensitive habitat resource protection requirements contained within Coastal Act Section 30240.” (pg. 3

“No measures exist that would enable the proposed alignment to be found consistent with the Coastal Act. However, numerous alternative alignments are feasible and could be found consistent with the Coastal Act….” (pg. 10)

“When the value of these resources is taken into account, the project is the most environmentally damaging rather than the least environmentally damaging feasible alternative…Moreover, the toll road’s impacts would be permanent, irreversible, and, for the most part, unmitigable.” (pg. 5)

“…it is more likely that the proposed toll road would encourage continued growth, low density housing and inefficient transit patterns, and that the traffic system within the region would be equally or more congested than it is currently. Thus the toll road’s impact on emissions is likely to add to, rather than reduce, vehicle emissions on I-5.” (pg. 8)

“The project would result in significant adverse effects on public access and recreation, particularly at the campground and related recreational resources in San Onofre State Beach (SOSB). Significant adverse effects would occur both during construction and after completion. Such effects may include the de-facto closure of the coastal access Panhe Trail, the abandonment or severely limited use of the San Mateo Campground, the temporary occupation and permanent alteration of the California Coastal Trail, and the overall interference and degradation of the recreational use of SOSB.” (pg. 6)

“The Commission could not more strongly disagree with TCA’s arguments that on balance it is most protective of significant coastal resources to authorize the project.” (pg. 230)

# # #

Editor’s Note: To arrange an interview with Elizabeth Goldstein, contact Matt Klink at (310) 283-6267 or Liz Saldivar at (323) 466-3445.

Dog Fight Club

The first rule of Dog Fight Club is -
-you do not talk about Dog Fight Club.

The second rule of Dog Fight Club is -
-don't get the cops involved.

My buddy Pete was attacked by a Rottweiler tonight. Or as he says it, he attacked the Rottweiler after it attacked a toy spaniel. I went to greet him at the door to find him stooped over, holding his body upright by propping his arms against the door frame and looking more haggard than I've ever seen him. Which is saying something. "Don't worry," he said as I opened the door. "It's mostly dog's blood."

I was in no mood for disturbance. On my way home from the sushi restaurant earlier, I was disturbed from my eating-gyoza-whilst-walking exercise by a shattering of glass. Looking up, I saw a silhouhette of a woman sort of stumbling down the sidewalk coming towards me in the distance. I couldn't tell if she was the source of the noise. Our paths crossed on a part of the sidewalk where the light of the streetlamps was blocked by trees. As she approached I stared straight ahead but still for some reason she swayed straight towards me, stopping about a foot from me. I remember seeing tufts of magenta-red hair sticking out of a dark mess, with stark blue eyes peering out of sunken ashy cheeks.
"Hello," I said, mouth full of partially-chewed gyoza, not breaking stride.
"You're marked," she said, then turned and continued down the street in an odd, lurching gait.

Lunatics abound on a full moon I guess. Holy hot damn - what if Pete's been mauled by a werewolf? I'd rather be marked than mauled.

Pete's got fucking teeth marks in one forearm and a classic splayed-paw scratch pattern across the other. He says the trouble really started when the cops showed up and began flashing lights on the dog, which we was holding at the time and which promptly bit him about three times. "Control the dog or we'll shoot the dog," the honorable San Francisco Police informed him. "Do not shoot the dog! I am holding the dog!" Pete shouted. The cops pondered. Pete bled. The dog bit Pete. It was a bloody mess.

Pete bitch-be-cooled the dog. The cops held Pete for two hours to make sure he had no warrants in the U.S. or Canada. Wasn't that thoughtful? I'm trying to decide if it's thoughtful or if it's unlawful detention, unlawful search and seizure, violation of federal rights under color of state law ... but what do I know of such things?

I know more and more each day.

Negligence

Two Gallants

So I have yet to post to the blog in many hours. It didn't want to do pictures. Stupid Picasa.

I am sorry.

Got the new Two Gallants album - eponymous, nicely - in the mail the other day. It's got some real gems on it, naturally. Recorded in the Tenderloin of all places.

I think law school is going to be okay. Everything in moderation, including both studiousness and negligence. I can't study all the time. At a certain point I have to acknowledge that I'm doing more than enough studying, take some time off, relax, spend time with my friends, watch a DVD, walk through the park, bang on my djembe, whatever.

I don't wanna work;
I just wanna bang on my drum all day

Does anyone else have a particular song lyric that sums up how they are feeling at this moment?

Et tu, Omar?

Omar Chatriwala, a journalist as honorable and professional as he is funk-sational, messaged me today:

"In case you're thinking of dropping all this law school business;"

Yessiree, Al Jazeera English is hiring. And now that he mentions it, I AM tempted. I mean, why live in Baghdad By The Bay when I could go even better than the REAL Baghdad - GAZA!

Correspondents: Doha, Delhi, Gaza, Kabul, Turkey.
We need top class correspondents to maintain our outstanding international news coverage. International experience preferred.

Imagine the excitement of being Al Jazeera's Gaza correspondent. Think of all the interesting people who might want you dead at any given point. You wouldn't have to worry about getting into a rut - your headquarters or sense or personal safety could be 'accidentally' destroyed by one of half a dozen governments in any given week.

Be comforted by the thought that nearly half the nation (assuming the Bushies have lost their minor majority) will automatically assume that Osama bin Laden cuts your paycheck.

I think the long and the short of this whole shebang can only be this: Omar wants me to die, preferably at the hands of the U.S. Military. But if that's the case, it's a testament to his perception of my journalistic integrity. So I suppose I should thank him. The punk.

Procrastination Celebration

I've found a new way to procrastinate
And I must tell everybody
Another technique to be lax and late
In all of the classes I study

It's called blogging.

So Best Buy is having to apologize for mistakenly advertising a 50" TV for the sale price they intended to offer for a 42" TV. There's a joke in there somewhere about being off by eight inches and penis size. I know there is. And I will find it someday. This I so swear.

To say they're sorry, Best Buy is also offering $100 towards TVs, or something to that effect. I don't read such emails, I just forward them to my contracts professor.

Yes, I do have two shoes. They are rather little, and they could be described as goodie. What's it to you? I have reading to do.

As a valued Best Buy customer, we want to inform you of an error that will appear in the September 23, 2007 Best BuyTM ad. On the front cover we mistakenly listed the price of the 50" Panasonic Plasma TV (TH_50PZ77U- 8501711) at $1799, before $90 savings. We intended to advertise the 42" Panasonic Plasma TV (TH-42PZ77U-8501757) at $1799, before $90 savings.

Best Buy will not be honoring this price on the aforementioned 50" Panasonic Plasma TV.

We apologize for any inconvenience, and we will offer a $100 Instant Rebate on all Plasma Televisions from Sunday, September 23, 2007 through Saturday, September 29, 2007. This Instant Rebate will be deducted from the price you see in the store, including our regular sale prices.

Thank you for your understanding. We look forward to seeing you in our store soon.

Be Still My Heart

Law school has me drinking much more caffeine. I can feel the tolerance building up already.

My friends keep asking me ludicrous questions like, "Have you been watching the news?" or "Want to come grab a drink with us?" Holy smokes, man, it's a weeknight! I feel like I'm twelve again.

Who am I kidding - I went to boarding school. I feel like I'm eighteen again. "You mean when we're seniors we don't have to lock ourselves in our all-male dormitory until TEN O'CLOCK at NIGHT?!?"
At least the school was co-ed. Not that it had much of an impact on my dating habits.

Speaking of which - now that I'm in law school my skills at accidentally rebuffing interested parties are paying off in spades. If I may describe it in legalese - before, the infrequency of my dating was due to negligence. I neglected to ask girls out. Now it's a more intentional act. I consciously avoid even thinking about asking girls out. Most of the girls I see these days are in my law school anyway. So they're pretty busy.
Damn it. Busy. That reminds me. I should be getting busy. So to speak.

Hey, I've got a great idea: why don't I read contract law until I pass out, then go back to school tomorrow even though I don't have a lick of class?

What a great idea.

Oh, and apparently I made people in class bust up by referring to a particular trial court's demeanor as "persnickety". And apparently I think that's significant.

Coastal Commission Blues

This was posted recently by Mark Rauscher, of Surfrider, on the Save Trestles page
(www.savetrestles.com)

It bears reposting - here and EVERYWHERE. Every SoCal surfer and environmentalist ought to know the following address by heart. Seriously - many Republicans are propping up this road with their reputations (because that's all it's got), and they'll fight like dumb, trapped animals to maintain those reputations. Because that's all THEY'VE got. Anyway, heeeeeeeere's Mark...

Please Tell the CA Coastal Commission to Protect San Onofre and Save Trestles


"We need you to attend the meeting of the CCC on October 11 in San Pedro. The Commission will be hearing the application to build the Foothill-South Toll Road through San Onofre State Beach.

October 11, 2007
Crowne Plaza Los Angeles Harbor Hotel
601 S. Palos Verdes Street
San Pedro, CA

Also, please send a letter to the Coastal Commission asking them to DENY the application."

Open Letter To The Street

RE: STREET FOLK, BEAT FOLK, WHORES, THE POOR, PIMPS, GIMPS, SMACKHEADS, CRACKHEADS, DEALERS, STEALERS, MUSICIANS, MAGICIANS AND OTHER ILL TYPES

To whom (or what) it may concern:

I, Alex B-Z, apologize. I'm sorry. I'm really damn sorry and I wish to extend that apology to each and every one of you I've passed in the street without dropping so much as a coin in your cup or green paper into your gaping palm.

Look, I'm a law student. Or at least now I am. Tuition is expensive. Rent is expensive. Food is expensive. Even my monthly MUNI pass is expensive. I know, sometimes I accidentally sleep in and have to take a taxi when I could just as easily have ridden the train, or even walked if I'd gotten up early enough. Does that mean I've selfishly wasted that money? Sometimes it feels that way.

My medicine is expensive. Bills are expensive. I suppose I could cancel the internet and do all my networking from local coffeeshops and school, but then all the people in my building would lose their internet as well. Maybe some of them donate some of the money they save to you. It's possible.

Also, there's a god-awful lot of you. I mean, if I dropped coin on everyone in need on Mission Street alone, just between 25th St. and 15th St., I'd have to take on two jobs and rob people in my spare time. No shit. Poverty seems to be a growth industry.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to ramble. I should get to the point, which is this: I can't afford to give all of you money, and I can't justify paying some of you without paying all of you. It just wouldn't be fair. So here's what I'll do - I'll start making regular donations to local shelters, soup kitchens, gratis medical providers and the like. All you have to do is spend some time at those places, and you can feel the full force of my generosity. Of my love.

Trust me, I know it's an attractive lifestyle. I once stood on the side of the I-5 holding up a sign soliciting funds. I made nine bucks, too - in 45 minutes. That's like $12 an hour, man. Not bad at all. But what if, instead of pumping cash into people on the street, the generous were instead funding places such as the aforementioned? Soup kitchens could become steak kitchens. Shelters would actually provide shelter. Just a thought.

Don't mean to digress, I just thought I'd at least offer some kind of constructive comment. You know, since I'm not offering any change. And I won't be. And this is why. Thank you for your time. Be well.

NEXT TIME, ON "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT"
Alex realizes that very few beggars are regular surfers of the internet. None of them read his blog. But one of them has a more popular blog.

Twenty Seven Years

It's my birthday on Sunday. I'll be 27. I haven't made ANY plans. I haven't had the time.

It's not that I don't WANT to have some amazing throwdown shindig soiree extravaganza; it's just that I've been too busy to even think about it. Law school, man. Sucks. Especially for those prone to anxiety. I've barely gone out in a month.

What do I want for my birthday? Really? More than anything else?

I'd like some flashcards for Contracts and Torts, and I'd like to spend the day working on Contracts -case briefs and outline. But that's just stupid. It's one thing to work on the weekend - but working on my birthday?

Why not? Who says I have to, you know, CELEBRATE my birthday? Isn't it enough just to know I somehow managed to exist this long? That I made it this far? That the bastards haven't ground me down to a bloody nubbin of man-flesh yet?

Not even law school can stop me. In fact it's making me stronger, faster, better, more powerful. And far, far more anxious. But I need to stick it out. That's why I want to work on my birthday. If ever there was a place for me (and yes, I did say this sort of thing about OC Weekly and you're a real prick to bring that up), then it's here. New College School of Law is my kinda place - and there's no sales department! What could be bad?

Most of the people I've become friendly with are in the Environmental Law Caucus, and they're all camping this weekend. They encouraged me to come along but there was no way. I mean, if I'm freaking out over work this much as I rot in the city, imagine how completely unhinged I'd become out in the wilds somewhere, sucking in lungfuls of clean air, with no computers for miles, lugging my books over mountain and through valley?

All right, Melodrama Boy, you're not in the Donner Party (I say as I chastise myself). I'm sure it would actually be quite useful to be isolated in the wild with many 2L/3L law students; I could pester them for hours about study techniques, teacher personalities/preferences, and the like. Meanwhile they'll probably be smoking marshmallows and roasting doobies on sticks 'neath the autumnal Sierra sky.

Sierra. Who else misses Police Quest? Okay, mother of all tangents aside...

Long story short, I'm going to be a day older on Sunday. Act in accordance.

I think I'm funny

Workin in the law library.
Earnin apprenticeship hours.
Typin one-handed.
Readin a brand-spankin-new ALR 6th - Vol. 26 with the other hand.
How do I stay entertained?
Aside from readin American Law Reports?
Well...
The vendin machine is broken.
So I put a sticky-note over the dollar-bill orifice that reads:
IN CONTEMPT
I love law school.

The Law Is Winning...

My law school class actually applauded me today. Really. Someone came in to discuss our brand-spanking-new student government (isn't THAT charming) and asked for volunteers to be voted in as class representatives. The idea was that a buncha people would throw their hats in the ring and next week we vote. I think people were unclear on the concept. I hope they were. Either way I immediately shot my hand up as soon as she asked. Hell, who wouldn't want an opportunity to represent such a funky bad-ass bunch, right? Everyone but me it seems. So I stroll up to the front, write down my sign-in details, and make a pitch for the group I made for our class on facebook. The Student Government person-lady immediately tells everyone they should set up something through yahoo groups - after all, that's what everyone ELSE does.

I'm gettin' mighty sick of everyone else.

Anyhoo, when I initially stood up, William next to me actually started clapping, the goof - "Yeah, Alex!" he said. Half the class joined in. I probably should have made some joke about how I wish I'd gotten such applause at my last appearance before a lawyer, but all I did was try to smirk in the most self-effacing way possible.

To get sleep or to eat rabbit? And no, that's not a euphemism.