Open Letter To The Street

RE: STREET FOLK, BEAT FOLK, WHORES, THE POOR, PIMPS, GIMPS, SMACKHEADS, CRACKHEADS, DEALERS, STEALERS, MUSICIANS, MAGICIANS AND OTHER ILL TYPES

To whom (or what) it may concern:

I, Alex B-Z, apologize. I'm sorry. I'm really damn sorry and I wish to extend that apology to each and every one of you I've passed in the street without dropping so much as a coin in your cup or green paper into your gaping palm.

Look, I'm a law student. Or at least now I am. Tuition is expensive. Rent is expensive. Food is expensive. Even my monthly MUNI pass is expensive. I know, sometimes I accidentally sleep in and have to take a taxi when I could just as easily have ridden the train, or even walked if I'd gotten up early enough. Does that mean I've selfishly wasted that money? Sometimes it feels that way.

My medicine is expensive. Bills are expensive. I suppose I could cancel the internet and do all my networking from local coffeeshops and school, but then all the people in my building would lose their internet as well. Maybe some of them donate some of the money they save to you. It's possible.

Also, there's a god-awful lot of you. I mean, if I dropped coin on everyone in need on Mission Street alone, just between 25th St. and 15th St., I'd have to take on two jobs and rob people in my spare time. No shit. Poverty seems to be a growth industry.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to ramble. I should get to the point, which is this: I can't afford to give all of you money, and I can't justify paying some of you without paying all of you. It just wouldn't be fair. So here's what I'll do - I'll start making regular donations to local shelters, soup kitchens, gratis medical providers and the like. All you have to do is spend some time at those places, and you can feel the full force of my generosity. Of my love.

Trust me, I know it's an attractive lifestyle. I once stood on the side of the I-5 holding up a sign soliciting funds. I made nine bucks, too - in 45 minutes. That's like $12 an hour, man. Not bad at all. But what if, instead of pumping cash into people on the street, the generous were instead funding places such as the aforementioned? Soup kitchens could become steak kitchens. Shelters would actually provide shelter. Just a thought.

Don't mean to digress, I just thought I'd at least offer some kind of constructive comment. You know, since I'm not offering any change. And I won't be. And this is why. Thank you for your time. Be well.

NEXT TIME, ON "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT"
Alex realizes that very few beggars are regular surfers of the internet. None of them read his blog. But one of them has a more popular blog.